why didn't you poke me back
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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