I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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