He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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