I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
