Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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