Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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