From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
