you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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