Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
