Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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