I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
false alarm, still single
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
