I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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