at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dicks are not precious.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
