Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize