Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
