Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
