He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
