I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
