grandma shit on top of the toilet
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize