yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
