Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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