We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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