It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
