just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
