i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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