I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
