checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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