he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize