before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
