Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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