Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Life is so much better after having sex.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize