i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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