in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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