dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
