my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
