Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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