The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
