yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
