They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
COCAINE IS GR8
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
