I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
