On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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