hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
