we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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