dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
