question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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