He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
