She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
