he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
