Plan B is the new Plan A
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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