Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
