Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
