we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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