There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
