i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
