Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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