battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
