Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize