you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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