This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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