Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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