I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
