His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
