Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize