So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Pooping to opera.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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