There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
