I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He better not be in your backpack
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
