So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
