Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How does it feel to date your dad?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
